Commanding Uncertainty
Riyxia waited patiently as the others rested and recovered, worrying about how much more they would need to go through in order to make it back safely. With how long they had been gone, it would probably be rather late in the afternoon, people would have started worrying about them.
She was plenty worried as things stood, even though the girls were recovering quickly enough. She had been applying her gift to them casually in their rest, trying to ensure that any yet undiscovered injuries had also been healed away, giving them a better chance to fully recover. Once again, she hadn’t been enough to ensure they stayed safe, only being able to occasionally help them in a sparse few moments. If it wasn’t for their own individual resolve, that would have ended up much worse. She couldn’t handle everything by herself, and probably never would. There was no help for it, something had to be done so that all of them had as much control over this stuff as she did. That had her wondering though, how did she pull this off in the first place? If she needed to help both of the others in achieving the same, it would be important to understand what had made the difference in the first place.
Nothing, she had nothing. Some of her first uses of such rage had probably been gradually climbing ever since that one fight she had been in alone with the pack of beasts. Being gradual would have made it easier to control, but even that didn’t help, she had no idea why it was so gradual. If she had exposed herself to such rage at that point, she might have been prepared for it already even before that time, but that gave her nothing to work with either. She pondered the idea, going over every detail she could remember, with no success even by the time Vwyx started to awaken. Once awake, Vwyx took up the responsibility in making sure Riyxia’s wounds were finally dealt with as well. Vwyx turned considerations to any injuries she still had, ending any further progress in her previous considerations. Around when most of Riyxia’s injuries had been repaired, Sryine woke up as well.
“Now that everyone is awake, maybe we should consider stopping for dinner? Do we even have anything left that is usable for food?” “I might have a few bars left over, so I hope that would do.” Vwyx looked at the bars hungrily and accepted one in offer, leaving Sryine to giggle softly. Riyxia cringed at this exchange, but neither of the other two commented. Sryine passed another bar to Riyxia, sitting to chew on her own while waiting for Vwyx to finish up on repairs. There was a sombre tone set over everything, leaving Riyxia to worry if everything was alright. Things probably weren’t, even with all the rest and recovery completed. Both of the girls were still suffering from their own circumstances, keenly aware of exactly what situation they were in. Things wouldn’t be alright until those circumstances changed. She still had no idea how to fix this problem for them, but at least getting back to safety would prove a good way to start things off.
“So, I got a pretty good look at our options out of here earlier, almost every path here leads upwards. I have no certainty in anything being the right answer, but picking a direction might at least be better than doing nothing. Why don’t we try that path over there, and see where it might take us, huh?” Ryxia indicated a path of choice, a generally nondescript path in every way, much like all of the others. The others got up at this prompting, with Ryxia leading the way once more. At this point, it was only her lamp that was providing light, the other lamps having been put away while both girls had rested. She doubted either girl would be up to much looking around, they were barely putting one foot before the other, so they really only needed the one lamp. Ryxia guided them along that tunnel, then made a quick decision at the first split in the path, guiding them along the new tunnel.
This continued for a while more, turns and walking, turns and walking. After several more repeats, Ryixia arrived at another crossroad. She turned down one way, noting it proceed much like all of the rest, and then turned to face the alternative. She almost dropped her lamp in that moment, the sky faintly visible at the end of the passage beyond. It was finally a way out. Riyxia led them towards this small opening, nothing more than a crack in the rock wall, and out into the open sky and fresh air. They were free, at last! Vwyx got her phone out and made use of its mapping feature to figure out where they were. The map Riyxia had been using had been lost in water damage, but fortunately the cells seemed a bit more resilient. Making use of such a resource, they managed to plot a route back to the Hunter’s shelter, arriving at dusk.
Their arrival garnished a lot of attention, considering how many people had started to worry about them. Among a number of hunters they didn’t even know personally who had started to wonder upon the fate of their shrouds of death, the three hunters they did know were especially worried. Vwyx found herself in a hug with Dhyinze, still not sure whose idea such a thing had originally been, while Nuiqhyx ran off to spread the news. “Really, you didn’t even answer your cell.” “That wouldn’t have been her fault, we were too far underground most of the time for such a thing to work.” Dhyinze was startled by Riyxia’s interruption, catching him off-guard. Was Vwyx really underground for so much of that time? Just how crazy was this field training of theirs anyway.
“That would explain reports about a large chasm suddenly opening up in the mountains. When we got word of it, we were worried that it was either some major plan from the beast, or the onset of a natural disaster.” “Oh, sorry, my bad.” “Vwyx, I’m not sure why you feel like you should be taking the blame for something like that, but I guess you both have quite the tale to share of your own. We have dinner availa-…” “Woohoo!” “… available as well, if you would care to join me inside. After dinner, we can find a suitable location to discuss all of the details.” Ayzherie stepped aside as Vwyx rushed on ahead, still starving. Sryine started giggling again in relief, before catching herself in a cough. Riyxia was glad to be back, but she really was glad to have Ayzherie around again, there were a lot of things they needed to discuss. Dinner still took first priority, technically second after everyone getting cleaned up and dried off. After dinner concluded, Ayzherie brought everyone to the same meeting room they had failed to book for themselves previously, this time available for their use. Ayzherie listened attentively to the details of what had occurred from the three girls, the only other one present in the room at the time.
“That- that is rather remarkable. To think that all this too relates to details of the Astral Flame, something new that would need to be added to the records for that study. I think Eqriuxzl will find such news very interesting, depending on how much of it you decide to share with him. Keep in mind, he does feel alarmed that the Astral Flame is a force of destruction, having such a thing proven to him might lead to some unwanted consequences.” “Maybe, but hiding it could lead to so many more. We can’t afford the risk, we need to gather as much information as possible, so that we can be prepared for anything else on the same subject.” “I see you have been learning quickly, very good. On matters of responsibility, while I would be encouraged to offer you each time of rest for everything that you have just endured, I don’t think I would be in a position to offer it so soon.” “Dealing with the beasts then hasn’t been fairing that well?” “Actually, that has progressed rather smoothly, it is you three specifically that concern me. Tomorrow will be more training, but I don’t think I can provide you with any other suitable instructor. Even by your own accounts, losing control puts those around you in considerable danger, I can’t afford to let that danger remain unchecked after having learned about it. Until you are successful, every moment of training needs to be dedicated in learning to at least match the same level of control that Riyxia currently commands.” Ayzherie surprised Riyxia in her sudden shift, it was something Riyxia hadn’t expected. Giving the matter some thought, Riyxia realized that she probably should have expected this reaction, it matched most of her own concerns. If they were to go into the city, be fallen upon by thieves, and the girls were to turn.. the destruction to the city would be immense, let alone the number of lives lost. If something were to set them off here at the Hunter’s shelter, countless Hunters would also perish as a result. Until all of them had control over this, they were a threat to everyone around them.
“But.. even I have no idea how I managed to get the control I have. How in the world are the others to achieve anything when we have no idea how such control works?” “Rage, pain, fear. Such feelings consume those who are unable to command them. That’s why your friends were able to hold on through your most recent struggle, they refused to surrender their own control. However, simply rejecting such a nature is not enough to command any control, they have to accept it, much like you probably have. They have to accept the good and the bad it offers, the balance of both in mutual kind. If you want a tip for a type of training that would then be suitable, maybe consider this for an idea. You yourself are able to invoke your rage without reason, then dismiss it because of your own will, all without account of the forces that influence your own state of emotion. Pain, fear, those things happen for reasons, but if someone were to govern when they would feel anguish, to decide when there might be time to feel scared, even when all reasons for causing it are gone… that is when someone is truly in command. Take away all sources of pain and fear, then have them draw from it. That will be when they will know how to make demands of their own impulses.” Riyxia considered Ayzherie’s proposal, and exactly what it implied. Was that how she had done it? She remembered pondering a lot of acceptance the night before, coming to a lot of firm resolutions. Then, she had gone to battle and gotten angry.. but why had she gotten angry? She had been disappointed in her past failures, being constantly caught off guard, but that shouldn’t have made her angry. The anger had just made sense at the time, like it was the right time, even if there was nothing to invoke it.
This was also a lot to take in for the other two girls. That they were a threat the way they remained, that was unquestionable. This idea that they were to undergo training so that they could feel pain when nothing hurt, that they could feel fear when there was nothing scary, Ayzherie had some of the cruelest training lessons conceivable. That there were benefits to being in such a state, that was unquestionable, Riyxia made all the benefits so clear and obvious. The problem was their own confidence in their ability to stay in control, to even be capable of making such demands. If they let their guard down, invited such destruction into themselves.. wouldn’t they just be taken over again, much like they had before?
“Still, given all of these details, there is one more thing I would recommend.. or actually more of ‘require’ than ‘recommend’. Make sure to limit how often you expose yourself to such influence, even after gaining control over it. Something like this is a measure of balance, if you instead start to depend upon it too much, you risk having it start to define you, to start losing yourself. If you let yourself become Destruction itself, you will become exactly what Eqriuxzl feared. There needs to be a balance, so expect lots of future training where you won’t be allowed to make use of such power.” Ayzherie brought the meeting to a close with that statement, and all four of them left the meeting room. Riyxia could definitely agree with that last requirement, it had been something she had been considering all day. It was everything before that which she was still lost with. Even so, it was getting late, and Ayzherie wanted to withdraw for the night. Everyone had actually had enough of the day, so they were all eager to follow Ayzherie’s example.
The whole discussion gave Riyxia a lot to think about, though she would have plenty of time overnight to consider how to make proper use of it all. She just hoped one night might be enough for it all. Riyxia took the opportunity to make requests of her alternate accommodations once again, so that she could have a better environment with which to ponder everything. She was then surprised to discover both Sryine and Vwyx insisting that they got the chance to sleep there as well. Being left to their own thoughts overnight yesterday had led to a turmoil of stress, and there was plenty of grounds to estimate that tonight might not be so different. They had both learned to relax, knowing that Riyxia was looking after them. Riyxia accepted this idea, warning them that the beds there aren’t actually even half as comfortable, which was saying a lot. The regular beds weren’t exactly a down mattress either, they would adjust. Riyxia sighed, remembering the times around the city she had herself felt dependent and useless. It seemed that wasn’t true with everything, after all.
“Things are going to be fine, right?” “Riyxia was able to do it, right?” “I know, I know, but.. she had things figured out before she knew what she was getting into, almost as if by instinct. We don’t seem to have such helpful instincts, and now things have already shifted in the wrong direction. You heard what she said, balance. We’re already way off balance, already losing our sense of self.” “I.. I don’t know. I mean, think about it, more than what we can do, this is something we must do. Do you really think you can just keep holding things back forever? Do you want to depend on Riyxia to always be there? We really don’t have another option, we have to do this.” Sryine knew Vwyx had a point, but she knew that expectations didn’t make reality. If they had to do something, that didn’t just make it happen, they still had to make it work. Riyxia meanwhile tried putting her head under her pillow, suddenly not liking these arrangements. After taking the effort to get everything set up their chosen room to sleep in, the girls were finding sleep to quickly begin to elude them, with plenty of things to worry about before bed. Unlike Riyxia, neither of them could just simply sleep and leave her spectre to ponder everything overnight until morning. This was unfortunate for Riyxia, she was really tired, and was certain she would have been asleep already had it been only left to her. Thankfully at least, the girls eventually wore themselves out in discussion, sleep taking them all in the process.
Once she was finally asleep, her spectre made it to the exit and looked up at the night’s sky once more. Her latest opportunity here had awakened her own insight, offering her a key to controlling her own rage. Tonight, she would have to reflect upon those same thoughts, revisit the details and the impressions, figure out what would be needed from that same night to help both of the others reach the same degree of control. After such a long day, it was also going to be such a long night, she was actually feeling jealous about others who actually got to find complete tranquility in their times of rest. Other people simply slept without a thought in their mind, just drifting through the night in a state of mental rejuvenation, one much like what her body accomplished in her time of rest physically. Even through her jealousy, she at least considered the efficiency of her circumstances, to be capable of working on mental tasks even while sleeping. So while she might be in for a very long night, at least she was capable of making use of it like this, the others would be left with only the opportunity left to them before falling asleep, and what little time was left in the morning before they were to begin. Such was why she had to plan very carefully, to ensure that by the time the others eventually awoke, she would have a really good plan in place, ready to make sure everything worked out. Such a thought reminded her again exactly why this whole situation had her a bit stressed out, having everyone count on her so heavily, to teach something she was still trying to work out in her head. This was more than a full night’s work, but that was all the time she had, so maybe she should simply stop worrying about it and get to work.
She wasn’t the only one troubled by the immensity of current expectations, the obligations that they couldn’t afford to fail. Having no personal experience with regular sleeping, Riyxia wasn’t quite aware how people frequently spend their sleeping hours lost in dreams, troubling over thoughts that yet remained unresolved.
Luminaeris 